First july and Full moon was the night, where it all started…

A sudden realization, a surreal experience, intertwined with a mysterious outcome. It was one of the very intense times it made me realize how much difficult it is for me to stay away from him.. my precious one.

So far whatever that has happened between us in the years that passed, it had been miraculously ‘bonding’. He is indded so special to me, for more he has been a part of my surreal reality for life. The comfort i had, the security of his love, that has helped me keep moving on. And somehow from a few weeks, it wasnt there. HE wasnt there, due to his own needs.

Full moon. I think about it over and over again. My friend tells me that i will convert him soon into my kind. i dont wish to, not so soon. so may be its better to have him away till he is very sure, till i am very sure.

till the time, he can just enjoy the freedom of his life. *smiles*

Journal Entry for tonight ~ 1st July.

i believe that when you think things arent going right, you are right. and all you need to do is, to change it. But sometimes it asks for a great courage to do so. Do i have it in me? do i need to change it all? Should i even think about reconsidering my needs and wants?? I dont have answer. Answer is what i am searching for.. Its in the sight, just below my horizon.. but Just Below!!

its almost unbelieveably true that still i will be taking the decision. The decision that may change all the stuff around me. That may come with hurt, it may come with pain. But may be thats what i got to do!!

Its full moon.

As i watch out of the silkly swaying curtains of my roomwindow, i can see it.. in its full glory.. staring me back.

Feels like i want to do somthing so insane that next morning i wont even believe my self that i did it.

But may be thats what i got to do!!

I cannot stay in this house any more. Seeing your picture sends a shiver down my spine, smelling your scent that won’t leave… I can’t take it. I take a walk out and breathe in some cool night air. I am trying to clear my head, but all I can think of is the bloody death of you.

Ok, so I’m imagining your death, but it won’t leave. I have visions of turning the next corner and seeing you hung with an arrow through your heart. There is a note on the arrow. I cannot make out what it says, but it is definitely my handwriting…

I feel so tense. Each time I hear a remotely loud noise I jump out of my skin. My whole body is shaking, vibrating. I look up at the tall buildings leaning overhead. I can picture your face in the window. You’re laughing. You don’t look happy, but you’re laughing. I turn my head sharply away; of course that was my imagination. You don’t even live near here.

God Dammit, look what you’ve done to me. You and your petty schemes. Your plots to ruin my life. I think of the lies you told me, how much I meant to you. You’re like every other, yet so much worse. You are pure evil.
I turn down a dark alleyway, dimly lit. Paranoia makes me turn to check nobody follows, and I continue walking aimlessly into the city. As I walk around the corner in the ally, I see something. It’s a body. I can’t make it out from where I stand, so I move closer. It is like my nightmare, my visions becoming real. There you are, hanging. You have an arrow through your chest, with a note.

I shake my head, “Damn visions. See what my hate for you has leaded to??” And as I turn back round to carry on, there you are. You’re still hanging on the wall. You still have an arrow through your heart, and it still has a note. I try to scream, but nothing comes out. I try to turn and run, but my feet are stuck to the ground. So instead, I take the note and try to make it out. I cannot work out the handwriting, but it says,

“Just A Little Favor…”