Long time that I am again writing, its more cause of the ache in arm and neck then anything else. Yet there are so many things to ponder about…

I am more of an observing person, may be I am turning into a serious one this days. I keep on observing the people and patterns of their behavior in my normal world and I indeed come to know many things I never thought it would be there.

I came to know, from my kitten that ~pricky~ naughtiness can come with serious submission. He is the one to make me laugh by commenting silly over the silly topics. I remember somehow at the end of one talk I ended up commenting him that he was giving me invitations to abduct him out of his house, and he replied in a naughty tone that should he be tied up and gagged and wait for me in porch, or would I do that I myself!! ‘laughs’ it wasn’t mocking, yet it was naughty enough that he already knew I wouldn’t resent. Well, guess he knew me too well!!

Then my second observation led me to another question, does behavior pattern comes from the very childhood?? The particular scenario was this; I was driving my way back to home one noon, where in one street there was a group of children playing. All of the children were about four-five yrs old. And as they saw me approaching some of them scattered apart on both sides of the road, yet one sweetie did not move, he kept his stand, he stayed where he was with a smirk. I smiled and thought about scaring him, driving directly in front of him, and he still did not budge. He was either fool or too confident, I don’t know what exact, but yet he did not move. At last minute, just a fraction before I could touch, I had to change my road and then also he kept looking at me without any fear as I looked back at him through rear view mirror. That was rather interesting to notice that he wasn’t scared, even he saw others run yet he did not.

Do these ‘foolish’ traits come directly from birth or what? Because I don’t think so at the five yrs of age that child would have seen a man does the same, so that he could pick up the same behavior???

Came across this on my very own experiences.. these are the fetishes i have…

* Dacrophilia : Fetish to be aroused by tears
* Entomophilia: fetish of insects or using them in play
* Asphyxiaphilia: fetish of lack of oxygen
* Agonophilia: being aroused by partner pretending to struggle
* Gynonudmanic: compulsion to rip clothes off others
* Lygerastia: tendency to only be aroused in darkness
* Odaxelagnia: fetish of biting
* Symphorophilia: fetish of arranging a disaster, crash, or explosion
* Thlipsosis: fetish of pinching
* Trichophilia: hair fetish
* Zelophilia: fetish of jelousy

It rained so damn heavy, it still is. i know the reason…

This is notthe first time it is happening. this is not the last time even…. If actually i could, i wouldnt stop it. Somehow i enjoy the rain, so much. The stormy winds, the loud flashy thunder, the heavy rain that fogs the sky so much that i cant even see anything apart from my close proximity.

Its the moment of nothingness, seems you dont even exists, there is no past, no beginning, no worries, no thoughts, just the water that tries to drown you in the fall… the frozen moment, that i enjoy with no
concious thought.

Some years back, probably in year 2000 it rained the same, so so heavy. And that time i used to be with “ll”, my first partner with whom i spent many years of kink.
We loved rain, and we used to have this terrace trips all the time. We used to bring his watermatress(waterbed) out ;but a little away from the open terrace and lie on it… watching the rain pour all over the place… dripping time to time on us too. Then We used to make love.

I suddenly remember a time like that when i was on terrace with him. i remembered how i stopped him in the middle of the foreplay when he had taken his clothes off and was unbuttoning mine. He had this look into his eyes, which was close to devotion and pure love.

i had always enjoyed seeing that in his innocent eyes. That time i remember i told him to take a few steps back. He thought i wanted to see him more properly and so smilingly he did that. Oh boy, he did not know what i wanted to see on him… Smiles.
So then i made him go for more two steps, everytime that he took them, i added the same count, till he was almost outside on terrace. He was shivering yet he was safely away from the direct heavy fall of rain. After a silence i got up and stood in front if him, two steps away. And with deliberate precision, asked him to take two more steps back.

He knew what i wanted now. He closed his eyes, and he did it, this time he was directly under the fall. The storm was heavy and we were at fifth floor. He was shivering damn bad. I motioned him to kneel down as he looked at me intense, he complied again to my wishes . I directed him to grab and hold his ankles with his palms, spreading his self opwn.
In a moment he did it pulling his chest high, even though he was not able to keep his self up for more. I just looked at him, he had just closed his eyes, shivering.

That moment was a pure bliss, as i had one of the best Orgasm looking at his strength, devotion, and desire to fulfill my wishes…

And it will remain so.. for a life time….

Morning!!

I unexpectedly open my eyes with a start; in fact by some means I’ve felt him looking at me. My qualms get confirmed, as his angelic face is so close to me, watching me as he is lying by my side. Nearly staring.. Intense. I fall short to portray the strength. He has locked my eyes to his; the gaze is strapping and pulling. There is a mix bag of emotions in his stare; it’s a amalgamation of love, lust, desire, struggle and sovereignty. I feel it scuttle through me with his warm exhale of breath, pouring himself, his vigor into my entire being… we remain looking at each other and there is no need for substantial contact. His eyes touch my psyche, struggling so frantically that I can’t help setting him free. He is the ‘just-right’ man of my life. So far he has survived with my imperfections, harmonizing it, so shall I. he senses it and beams, vanishing away leisurely into the haze. He has touched my soul right through; he has felt the affection, even the freeze of it. And now he is dragging his hand away from me.. Leaving a exposed vulnerability from where I allow him within. It crushes me but I will have to be daring enough to tolerate. I see him fading more, almost translucent, turning into ashen fog watched by my eyes. And I possibly will just lie there and observe. There isn’t any way I could imprison and seize the fog. He is bound yet free. His freedom is precious to him, and strangely enough it’s essential to me too. He has held onto it from a long time.. But he does comprehend that at the bottom of his heart, his liberty is mine too. May be someday I will claim it, someday he will be my strong brave knight and surrender it up to me….